Memories: A Signpost in Evolution
Discover the strategies that saved my fading memory and the journey I embarked on to rediscover clarity.
Note: I’ll be taking imagery from the Pixar movie, “Inside Out,” in hopes to better communicate my evolving experience shared in this article. (Images from disney.fandom.com)
The Awareness of Memories
From my early years, I held my memories in high regard. Internally, I think I perceived every memory as a building block that shaped who I was. They were integral to my identity—a collection of both mistakes serving as lessons for personal growth and magical moments to revisit during challenging days.
Recalling the names of every school teacher and classmate was second nature to me. Family vacations were etched in my mind, with scenes replaying like cherished films. The streets I drove in my hometown even held a special place in my memory!
Remembering someone wasn't just a mental exercise; it felt like an earnest tribute, a way to make others feel significant and cared for. After all, who wouldn't appreciate feeling valued?
…Ironically, despite my proficiency in remembering personal details, factual information or school material seemed to elude me. Interesting…
As I progressed through my high school years, I noticed a growing trend—
I was forgetting details that once seemed to permanently reside in my memory! It felt like I had reached the capacity of my long-term memory, and the finer points began slipping away.
This aspect of myself had been a source of admiration, something I held onto tightly. So, when details started escaping me, it was disheartening. It began with forgetting names, but the fear lingered that my cherished childhood memories might also fade.
In response, I contemplated documenting my life in a memoir, capturing memories before they vanished entirely. Coincidentally, around this time, my grandmother received a diagnosis of dementia, intensifying my anxiety about the potential progression to Alzheimer's disease.
The Insights from Memory Patterns
Desperately looking inward, I began collecting insights from the patterns within what initially appeared as random memories from my past:
1.
I first discerned a pattern of significant quotes that had been omnipresent in my school days, adorning walls and echoing parental advice. With heightened awareness, these phrases took on new meaning—the quotes were intricately linked to my present lifestyle and cognitive processes.
2.
As I grappled with the acceptance of fading memories, I saw that the most prominent memories lay in my experiences. Despite my ability to diligently commit historical facts or mathematical equations to memory through effort, being a visual and kinesthetic learner meant that only those subjects I genuinely cared about would truly adhere to my apparently selective memory.
This is the very reason why I feel so called to encourage individuals to learn how they themselves operate on a physical, mental and spiritual level, as well as create ways for others to do that. If this type of work resonates with you, reach out to collab with me or subscribe to stay updated on future projects and insights.
Recognizing this, I felt compelled to delve deeper into my experiences, seeking the root of the messages concealed within my memories.
…Leading me to this concept:
3.
“The brain repeats what the heart needs to heal.” I found myself revisiting specific family memories—both joyful and distressing—that held a recurring presence in my thoughts. Unknown to me at the time, this was intricately linked to the traumas I was navigating, each memory reflecting an underlying issue I was grappling with but hesitant to confront. This took me down a rabbit hole of shadow work to reflect on.
The concept intrigued me, and its full realization may have only dawned on me after a past life regression. Following this session, I became aware that the memories surfacing were directly related to the challenges I was facing in the present. For a more in-depth exploration of this revelation, read about the “Walkthrough of My Past Lives” here.
4.
At this point, I found myself at the pinnacle of my spiritual awakening, expanding my consciousness beyond my own comprehension, with an insatiable thirst for evolution. I scrutinized every aspect of my existence, willingly subjecting myself to the truths of my shadows in pursuit of understanding.
The outcome always fuelled me with excitement as I tasted myriad experiences in a relatively short span. I was eager for more, propelled by an internal motivation rather than a need to prove anything to others. I allowed my spirit to guide me as far as I could go, unaware of the limits that awaited.
This process taught me to embraced the necessity of letting go of what no longer served me to make room for growth. Of course, the transformation was accompanied with grief of detaching from what I once held dear, but all for good reason.
The Decline
As I gained more insights from personal experiences, the boundaries of my memory were tested.
I found myself stuttering in conversations, my thoughts racing at an overwhelming pace, making it challenging to articulate my ideas. This manifested as an unsettling pattern—I would start to communicate something, only to abruptly forget the point of my story and, at times, even lose track of the conversation's subject. Some might argue that this aligns with symptoms of ADHD, a notion I don't dismiss. However, this level of difficulty was new to me, and if I could slip into this state, I believed there must be a way to climb out of the deep hole.
For context, I was actively working on expressing myself more verbally at the time, a considerable challenge for someone who had never felt secure speaking up, in really any situation.
The frustration of stuttering intensified, especially as I delved into profound aspects of spirituality, paralleling my prior understanding of the human experience. Instead of mastering this transformative period, my condition worsened. Each day, my memory slipped further away. I became so entrenched in experiencing memory loss that articulating my thoughts became nearly impossible—I would forget what I wanted to say before even uttering a word!
Of course, the only thing I could remember was that my memory was fading.
Looking back, I must have managed it extremely well on the outside because I some how gave my husband the impression that I simply hadn't yet mastered getting to the point of what I was trying to say, overlooking the fact that I was struggling internally.
As I delved into the reasons behind this decline, a deep-seated fear of losing my memory entirely began to take hold.
The Shift in Perspective
One day, I entered a psychedelic experience with optimism. If you've ever been on a trip where your perception of the world shifts, and the insights gained become elusive once the trip concludes, you'll recognize this common and fascinating phenomenon.
In this unexpected (and seemingly guided) psychedelic journey, it became evident that my deteriorating memory haunted me. While I can't articulate the specifics of that night just yet, I will soon find the words to convey it more thoroughly.
What I do know is that, with intention, I witnessed a miracle—an answer to my SOS call. I was bestowed with a tool, a profound understanding, to navigate my memory loss.
This tool is best described as an aspect of my own experience being reflected, directing my awareness towards another facet.
The journey transformed my perspective, leading me to the realization that I didn't need to cling to every detail of my life. I had to undergo the grieving process of losing some memories and learn to embrace it. In a way, it was like filtering my mind, letting go of what no longer served me.
The result was a memory that selectively provided what I needed to know for my present situation, allowing for expansion in alignment with my current path.
What did I gain from embracing my transformed relationship with memories?
Firstly, I discovered that forgetting cherished memories doesn't equate to their permanent disappearance. They remain an integral part of you, just as you are an inseparable part of the unseen universe, better described as oneness.
I have cultivated TRUST in the belief that if I ever needed to recall something, it would naturally come to me through intention. I can channel the necessary memory, recalling it at will.
Secondly, I recognized that holding onto these memories detaches you from the present, trapping you in the past. By releasing my attachment to memories through TRUST, I've allowed the mystery and magic to persist within me. This approach enables me to embrace a more childlike, spontaneous essence in my day-to-day life, without holding the weight of memories in the conscious mind.
The Tool I Share with You
TRUST.
The term "confidence" originates from the Latin root, meaning "to trust."
This goes beyond placing trust solely in external factors; it's about trusting yourself. Have confidence that whatever unfolds in your life is happening for your benefit, and the resources to overcome any obstacle are within you.
At present, I've acquired the ability to articulate my thoughts more clearly without the necessity to recall every detail of my experiences. However, there's more to explore regarding the evolution process and the expansion of consciousness in relation to communication and expression, and I look forward to delving into that in the future.